I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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