i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Life is so much better after having sex.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
