the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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