A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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