I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO