you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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