Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
