OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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