Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
