Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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