Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
