You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have fence marks all over my body
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
