i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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