I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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