I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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