It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
