Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
