capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
