why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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