Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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