ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize