new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
