So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
