; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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