I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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