____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
my liver is dry heaving
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize