I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
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I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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