if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!