Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex