def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there