grinding to god bless the USA? really?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.