I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.