Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?