i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
