Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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