my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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