I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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