So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
