he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize