so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.