you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
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I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity