1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.