She's JV to your varsity
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.