Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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