woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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