u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize