If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
