Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize