I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
