i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
