Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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