They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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