I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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