I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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