She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
