You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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