I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I want is dick and wine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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