No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
